Social Media is destroying your Social Life

There are aspects of technology that stay on the fringes of society: apps that don’t take off, social media sites that fail, dating sites that are too specializes. Yet there are some sites that have penetrated our society and have become as essential to our social connection as a handshake and eye contact. If you are 18-24 years old you have grown up with smart phones, messengers, man’s best friend google and 98% of you are on social media. 

There is no denying the importance of Facebook and other social media sites. The curious thing to me about Facebook, is that the barrier between life on Facebook and life-is almost nonexistent. I have been hanging out with people and we make reference to something we saw on Facebook. Sometimes I have no idea what is happening in peoples lives but thanks to Facebook: I know they had a baby, went on vacation or had a birthday.

On a sensory level, we can’t decipher the facade of Facebook from the actuality. And what are we exposed to on Facebook?  People post the moments in life that they want to celebrate and share with others, they share the moments that others will ‘like,’ they share images of the person that they want others to see us as. The poster is on the edge of their seat, anxious for comments and attention, and the viewer is scanning photos and updates feeling isolation, loneliness, and envy. Now doesn’t this all sound FUN!??

According to a study on Facebook use: The most common cause of Facebook frustration came from users comparing themselves socially to their peers, while the second most common source of dissatisfaction was “lack of attention” from having fewer comments, likes and general feedback compared to friends.

With 39 million views, check out this film on the subject, look up. ‘Look Up’ is a lesson taught to us through a love story, in a world where we continue to find ways to make it easier for us to connect with one another, but always results in us spending more time alone.

Though on social networks, our “friends” can be in the 100’s, research has found that most people only have a few close friends. Only about 5-8 people can actually fit into our worlds. What is the point of social media, if it makes us hate life and we don’t event have the capacity for all the friends we have anyways?? Lets be fair: social media isn’t all bad. This duo, Bars and Melody, met on social media and they are so freaking cute. In some cases social networks can connect people to a world that accepts them and they can find networks of people, friendships can develop, and music can be made.



Wild about Wilde

I am such a fool for Oscar Wilde. I think that he must of been quite a rogue. Unlike Sarah Palin, who saw being rogue as a gimmick, like a super sale at walmart. Wilde truly pushed boundries. He lived and breathed his work and the beautiful, complex, richness of life. Below is a documentary about Oscar’s life and the impact he had on modern society. He says such wild statements like, ‘one way or another I will be famous, if not famous-notorous.’


One of my favorite ideas from Wilde refers to the relationship between art and reality. To Wilde, creating beauty was more meaningful than living in the actuality of life. Art was a way to shock society with irony. It wasn’t moral, he created the idea of art was for art sake but yet it wasn’t superficial; he used art to poke at what society valued.

I wouldn’t be alone is saying Lady GaGa and Wilde had more in common than their love for men.

“When I look back on my life, it’s not that I don’t want to see things exactly as they happened; it’s just that I prefer to remember them in an artistic way. And truthfully, the lie of it all is much more honest, because I invented it.” -gaga

Oscar Wilde is one of my favorites. He would say that his job, as a writer, is to tell life in a way that is richer than reality. And he succeeds. His writing is engaging, lively and multi layered. Solidifying his triumph at developing a world in words -combined with my love for sitting at home, drinking tea, curled up with a dog-nothing makes me feel more alive than reading his works. For a man who wasn’t able to live his full expression of self, he lived in secrecy and said, “ones real life is the life one does not lead” writing was an opportunity for him to live a fuller version of life; Proust and Wilde had this in common.

Proust is a literary icon, though he exhausts me. He was sick for most of his childhood and his experiences and world is nothing I can connect to. He exaggerated the mundane aspects of life and relishes in simple, strange, pleasures. Including going on for too long about how he longs to kiss his mothers cheek! Oh he is too much! Though he and Wilde created worlds that drew from wells at emotion and sensation in their writing.

“No sooner had the warm liquid mixed with the crumbs touched my palate than a shudder ran through me and I stopped, intent upon the extraordinary thing that was happening to me.”

Proust is talking about the infamous madeline or was he?? Some would argue that he wasn’t actually eating a madeline and was a victim of recall bias. Either way, it doesn’t matter; it just further supports art as the supreme reality.

 “All of us are in the gutter and looking at the star”-Wilde





*Lady you look Lovely*

I will tell you a little secret. I like to spend a considerable amount of time shopping on-line. I love searching for the perfect color and finding the exact item I have been dreaming about. I get a kick out of pressing ‘add to cart’ and ‘continue shopping’  and then after I have found everything that I have been pining over or after I realize I have just wasted an hour (ahem two hours) of my life, I take a deep breath and I move my curser to the top right of the screen and I close my browser.

My co-workers has impeccable fashion and orders kick ass shoes on-line often. She has them delivered to work and I can’t help but glance over and think, damn I need to go that website. She reminds me of the lovely ladies of Advanced Style. 


The fact that I haven’t blogged in awhile feels like christmas as a kid. It should be bigger and better than it is; the jello doesn’t set right, the meat is dry, and I end up hanging out with my all-boy cousins who want to play video games. Then at some point it is not longer what is but what it is to me, and christmas become magical again and I, humbly, post videos about old women and fashion.

*i like something about you*

There is so much for me to love about Louise Bourgeois,  her name is my middle name and the same as my grandma and according to Wikipedia her major themes are; childhood trauma and hidden emotion, sexuality and fragility, architecture and memory. Louise described architecture as a visual expression of memory, or memory as a type of architecture. She is pretty amazing and a bit beyond my comprehension. I don’t really know how to talk about art but something in me likes her.

“What interests me is the conquering of the fear, the hiding, the running away from it, facing it, exorcising it, being ashamed of it, and, finally, being afraid of being afraid.”

Ode a l’oubli (translated means Ode to oblivion) this is a cloth book that she made and that was displayed at the MoMa.

Combined with the freedom to marry campaign she produced this work. Bourgeois worked with archival dyes on cloth with embroidery to depict an abstraction of two flowers joined on a single stem.

This is a huge spider

and this is the lady herself

The Spider, The Mistress and The Tangerine is a documentary about her work and her life.

*questions and answer*

This is the Proust questionnaire featured in vanity fair.

The young Marcel was asked to fill out questionnaires at two social events: one when he was 13,
another when he was 20. Proust did not invent this party game;
he is simply the most extraordinary person to respond to them.
At the birthday party of Antoinette Felix-Faure, the 13-year-old Marcel was asked to answer
the following questions in the birthday book, and here's what he said:

Marcel at age 13, 13kb gif

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
    To be separated from Mama
Where would you like to live?
    In the country of the Ideal, or, rather, of my ideal
What is your idea of earthly happiness?
    To live in contact with those I love, with the beauties of nature, with a quantity of books and music, and to have, within easy distance, a French theater
To what faults do you feel most indulgent?
    To a life deprived of the works of genius
Who are your favorite heroes of fiction?
    Those of romance and poetry, those who are the expression of an ideal rather than an imitation of the real
Who are your favorite characters in history?
    A mixture of Socrates, Pericles, Mahomet, Pliny the Younger and Augustin Thierry
Who are your favorite heroines in real life?
    A woman of genius leading an ordinary life
Who are your favorite heroines of fiction?
    Those who are more than women without ceasing to be womanly; everything that is tender, poetic, pure and in every way beautiful
Your favorite painter?
Your favorite musician?
The quality you most admire in a man?
    Intelligence, moral sense
The quality you most admire in a woman?
    Gentleness, naturalness, intelligence
Your favorite virtue?
    All virtues that are not limited to a sect: the universal virtues
Your favorite occupation?
    Reading, dreaming, and writing verse
Who would you have liked to be?
    Since the question does not arise, I prefer not to answer it. All the same, I should very much have liked to be Pliny the Younger.
This questionnaire tells us much about two things, the character of petiit Marcel,
and the amusement of the young in the Belle Epoque.
We see Marcel as a sweet and dreamy Mama's boy, brainy, aesthetic, a young citizen of the world with
much sympathy for the feminine. What he sees in Pliny the Younger, famous only for speaking and writing
letters, is hard to grasp.
What is fascinating about this questionnaire is that it was considered so great an amusement
to very young people in Proust's time. It is hard to imagine a party of 13-year-olds in these times
being quizzed about their favorite virtues, painters or characters of fiction and history.
If the questionnaire were not to smack of exam, it would have to ask "what's your favorite TV show?"
or "what's your favorite band?"
Seven years after the first questionnaire, Proust was asked, at another social event, to fill out another;
 the questions are much the same, but the answers somewhat different, indicative of his traits at 20:

Marcel in his twenties, 12kb gif

Your most marked characteristic?
    A craving to be loved, or, to be more precise, to be caressed and spoiled rather than to be admired
The quality you most like in a man?
    Feminine charm
The quality you most like in a woman?
    A man’s virtues, and frankness in friendship
What do you most value in your friends?
    Tenderness – provided they possess a physical charm which makes their tenderness worth having
What is your principle defect?
    Lack of understanding; weakness of will
What is your favorite occupation?
What is your dream of happiness?
    Not, I fear, a very elevated one. I really haven’t the courage to say what it is, and if I did I should probably destroy it by the mere fact of putting it into words.
What to your mind would be the greatest of misfortunes?
    Never to have known my mother or my grandmother
What would you like to be?
    Myself – as those whom I admire would like me to be
In what country would you like to live?
        One where certain things that I want would be realized and where feelings of tenderness would always be reciprocated
what is your favorite color?
    Beauty lies not in colors but in their harmony
What is your favorite flower?
    Hers – but apart from that, all
What is your favorite bird?
    The swallow
Who are your favorite prose writers?
    At the moment, Anatole France and Pierre Loti
Who are your favorite poets?
    Baudelaire and Alfred de Vigny
Who is your favorite hero of fiction?
Who are your favorite heroines of fiction?
    Phedre (crossed out) Berenice
Who are your favorite composers?
    Beethoven, Wagner, Shuhmann
Who are your favorite painters?
    Leonardo da Vinci, Rembrandt
Who are your heroes in real life?
    Monsieur Darlu, Monsieur Boutroux (professors)
Who are your favorite heroines of history?
What are your favorite names?
    I only have one at a time
What is it you most dislike?
    My own worst qualities
What historical figures do you most despise?
    I am not sufficiently educated to say
What event in military history do you most admire?
    My own enlistment as a volunteer!
What reform do you most admire?
    (no response)
What natural gift would you most like to possess?
    Will power and irresistible charm
How would you like to die?
    A better man than I am, and much beloved
What is your present state of mind?
    Annoyance at having to think about myself in order to answer these questions
To what faults do you feel most indulgent?
    Those that I understand
What is your motto?
        I prefer not to say, for fear it might bring me bad luck.


Everyday my wife expresses her love for me. She says, did I tell you how much I love you today? Everyday. Everyday she says that.”

Moe Rubenstein, August 24, 2008.  

Love Ever After will share the love stories of couples who have been married for at least 50 years. Inspired by a letter my grandfather wrote to my grandmother during World War II (and rediscovered after he passed away in 2007), I began photographing and interviewing couples in the New York area as a way to preserve their stories and to illuminate our universal experience of love.